The Long and the Short of It





We (some of us) will be up at 5:30 for Indians/Yankees... Oh yea, Taiwan has adopted the Yankees as its national team cuz of Wnag Jianming. You can't believe the pervasiveness of the stylized NY s around here... and the odd places they show up... (GO TRIBE!)





The pictures of Burl in his (formerly Ivo's) Indian's sweats were taken at CF's play space yesterday, Thursday.





Quite a day. Monumental in a few ways. I've realized that Ivo's version of a temper tantrum is a MASSIVE no-holds-barred power struggle. Our difficulties with "I WILL DO/HAVE THAT THING THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!" fit into this power struggle dynamic.





At the play space, to which Ivo was excited to go AND excited to meet "my friend D-man," we experienced the longest-lasting espisode yet. And I know I'm self-righteous and all about my ego (some would wag cruder tongues) but I am soooo careful and try soooo hard not to establish touchstones of trouble, triggers and at the same time, just not to engage in a fight with Ivo. I try to parent through difficult stuff and not take things personally or wallow in or react to how a 2-yr-old's testing behavior is making me feel. AND Heather was there and, while she's one of the sweetest most diplomatic people in the world - therefore possibly being nice, I believe her when she told me, throughout the ordeal, that she would have done the same.





Sounds ominous - so anything I say now will be less bad than what yr thinking. After 5 minutes in the play space, Ivo was coughing crazy and even had a runny nose (which he hasn't had for over a week). I called him over to clean him up and drink some water. Clean up, fine. Water, NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!





So coughing, coughing, coughing, dry lips and not much water the night before... I told Ivo he could play after he drank some water. No!!! OK. Dylan was playing like an angel. I let Ivo walk around a small area (no playing til you have a SIP of water... a SIP!!!) - and he didn't test too often but I called him back when it looked like he was gonna leave my purview. 2 hours of this. Including Heather and Dylan going to e-i-o and us eventually joining them out there because Ivo alternated b/w hitting me, throwing his water bottle and telling me he wasn't going to drink water. I mostly ignored (but was very aware) of all the behaviour I didn't want to endorse. When it seemed like he was really talking to me, I restated the options; drink water-go play OR sit here with me. Act worse (ie; hit, throw) and we go home. He had no mickey-d's (but I let him work on his bagel we'd brought), no cookies, no juice, no money for rides. And all he had to do was take a sip of water. For the most part he wasn't hysterical. Quite the opposite, he was eerily in control of himself.





Ivo didn't have a sip of water til we got home. Ryan was already back from proctoring exams. Ivo's lips were dry and lined. The kid had only drunk a cup of juice in the morning and that was all he'd drunk all day. STUBBORN.





Other things I tried to convey to Ivo, While I wish you would drink water, you are not ruining my time or anyone else's time. And I am not only able to be happy when I play with Burl - I'm having a nice time with Heather and Dylan, who are also having a nice time (this was stretching the truth...). I just don't want Ivo to think that he has the power to ruin an outing for people other than himself. I think that's a good way to go...





On the ride home, I kept thinking about curling up with a parenting book and a bottle of wine.